Insert Tab A into Slot B
by TumblingTroublesomeTumbleweeds
Summary: This little brainspawn is the lovechild of copious amounts of alcohol, really crappy fanfics (legolas by laura, My Immortal etc.) and hours spent mucking about on TV Tropes with my roommate. A cracktastical adventure awaits…only if you have the stomach for it… ;) ItachixOC (I honestly don't care much for Itachi and when I say OC I mean intentional Mary-Sue) and IKEA Erotica...


**Read at your own risk.**

**There is a...not quite lemon...at the end. Consider it IKEA Erotica (thank you TV Tropes): Insert Tab A into Slot B ****_ad nauseum_****. The idea was stolen from the "lemon" scene in "My Immortal", my homage to what has ****_got _****to be one of the greatest trollfics ever ('cause seriously, no one writes that bad by accident)**

**I regret nothing (except the hangover)**

**I also don't care much for Itachi.**

…

it started whne I was littler like really young. my best friens growing up was nauto and saske but sakur was a winy bitch who wanted to be my friend but because she liked sasgay to we didnt get along. i didnt like ino either and ino and sakora were alaways gossiping about me and trying to make em seem like i was a bitch.

who am i? you might ask. ow, my names Raven Benadrylle Willow Serenty Uchiha-Uzumaki but people call me diamond. i have blonde long flowing hair that falls to my waist and limpid pools of amathyst eyes that people say reminds them of amethysts. from a young age i was trained to be a ninja and i am secretly the most powerful anbu ninja there ever was. dango the guy who leads the anbus is my faather and obito uchiha is my older brother.

the story starts when i was young like about nine or eleven. when i was playing with sassy and nature at the ucihah Mansion when saruka comes by and yels "hi sakse! how is you?" with the battering of her eyelashes and her pouting lips. sake is of cours, annoyed by sakrua like always so he says "i'm fine" and then sakaru says "good" i was wearing grey tights and a blue and grey dress with a big greyish colored bow in the back along with the ninja shoes and my long hair was pulled into a curley ponytail with small curls framing my face and a blue headband.

as sssauke and i try to get skrua to leave so we can go back to pactiving super top secret ninja techniques that sakrau was not good enuff to know about when itachi comes out. i had never thought of itachi as anything but sasukes older brother and one of my superi-supero-a ninja who was in the anbu longer than i was but seeing him outside in the shiny sun with his long sliky raven (A/N hhaha get it? raevns because he uses and raevens) hair and playing on his iphone not paying attention to anything i couldnt help but feel my hart go pound pound in my chest.

"what are you looking at Diamond?" saskue asked me and when i turned to look at him he wasnt looking two happy with me staring at his broher. is he Jelis? i wondered to myself when itahi looked up. "Diamond" he said "dango the guy who leads the anbus just sent me a text message and he says he wants to see us cuz we have a top secret mission" i nodded and turned to sake and nautor "srory guys i have to go on a top secret mission"

"your so lucky Diamond!" saksue said "your so powerful that you go on top secret missions with my brother" his blue eyes darkned like the night sky overlooking the Night "dont get to close to my brother ok?" i laughed because saksue was being silly. "why would I do that silly?" i ruffle his hair and smile. he smiled shyly at me and i see him blushing. "saskue! Diamond is mine!" natruo whines and i pat him on the hed "you guys are both like brothers to me and i love you both but i gotta go" i kiss both of them and even sakur because i feel bad for her that all the guys like me before running off the joing itachi and see what our top secret misson.

our Mission is

itachi and me we are walkng through the village when we pass shino, kiba and neji. "how are you guys?" i call to them. they wave at me and kibas dog (A/N i forgot his name) and kibas dog runs over to me and i pat his head.

"your so good with animals Diamond!" kiba smiles as the three boys reach me "not really" i said "animals just seem to like me" neji looks at me "you must be a ninja like Kakashi who does the dogs" i blush not used to recieivng complements. i feel itachi tenses next to me and i look at him curiously his dark eyes are darker than before "come on diamond" he says in a flat voice "we dont want to be late for our mission" i nod and neji widens his eyes "you have a top secret mission?" he asks in awe "your so talented and amazing!" you blush even more "thanks" you say and you feel someones hand around your wrist. itachi is glaring and drags me away.

"what do you think your doing?!" he asks more like demands "why are you flirting with those boys?" you pout "i am not flirting with those boys they were just being nice" itachi frowned and looks at the map "lets go" he says "okay" i say

we travel for to days nonstop. i'm having a hard time keeping up with itachi because hes bigger than me and moves faster. he hasnt said a word since we left the village and i wonder whats wrong.

"itachi" i call his name as we landed on the ground to set up camp "why arent you talking?" "because" i frowned and crossed my arms "because why?" i ask. itachi comes over to me and takes my wrists "because you are so beautiful and so talented and i am very in love with you but your to good for me and all the other boys in the village love you too and i cant compete with them" he looks very sad so she took his cheeks in her hands "i love you though cant you see that?" i ask "you're the only one i love and im not even all that pretty really" "what are you saying crazy girl?" itachi asks lovingly "you're the most beautiful girl in the entire village"

we kiss and when we set up the tent itachi takes off my clothes and i take off his and he puts his you-know-what in my you-know-where and rubs my to big breasts and we kiss some more. when were done we fall asleep cuddled in each others arms.

the end.

**A/N: If I continue, chapter two will be me, critiquing myself ;) and I can be a vicious critic. This was written in part due to a need to get rid of writers block, copious amounts of time spent on TV Tropes (seriously guys, you can get lost on there. It's addictive) and drunkenly showing my (equally drunk) roommate the amazing video rendition of 'legolas by laura' which in turn led to looking up other fanfics such as the infamous 'My Immortal' (while we were drunk). If you've made it this far, congratulations. **

**My word document has lots of little brightly colored squiggly bars beneath the incorrect words, it looks like Christmas. **

**Thanks to TV Tropes for giving me the brilliant ideas and the Rum and Monkey "Mary-Sue name generator" was good for a laugh. My Mary-Sue name is Princess K'Tanya Felicitie de Smytheford (although why anyone here would care I don't know, I'm still a bit drunk and rambling) Rum and Monkey is ingenious with their overall generators. Oh and Manon's Garden, really should check it out for a lark, great tips on naming a Mary-Sue. **

**If you didn't like it, you can Sue me…dammit, that pun sucked less my head. Oh well.**

**I bid you adieu…while I go nurse a hellish hangover.**

**~Deidra~**


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